Today our sweet girl Brooke celebrates her 3rd birthday. This day reminds me of how fast time goes. I remember hearing my parents or grandparents talk about how quickly life goes by but it wasn't until I became a parent myself that I really felt the days going by a lot faster. Literally at the blink of an eye the baby that you brought and was so dependent on you for their every need can now grab a snack, verbally express their needs and wants and does so much independently. Brooke isn't our only one, she's actually our last so I am too familiar with how fast the time goes. My friend Heather once told me that motherhood is filled with long days and short years and she's dead on with that one! Us mama's know how some days go on forever, especially the ones when a kid is sick or no one wants to eat what you cooked, the laundry is piled up, they are fighting like cats and dogs and you don't feel too good yourself. Those days feel like they can drag on forever but then you blink and your kid is 3 or 9 or almost 13!
Being a parent you experience emotions you never thought you had. A love that is unconditional when you first meet your baby, a pain that cuts through the heart like no other when they tell you that you've hurt their feelings, disappointed them, etc., a worry that keeps you up at night when you know they are facing some big moments in life that are out of your control, a fear that can be crippling when they are in their 3rd surgery and you are told they may or may not have a kidney when it's done, a joy that makes you laugh big deep belly laughs from the silliest of things, a feeling of pride when they make a good choice or use their manners or you're told by strangers at a restaurant that your kids are very well behaved and a feeling of disappointment within yourself when you go to bed that night and realize the nasty way you spoke to your kid when biting their head off in a stressful moment or how you hurt them when you did what you felt is best for them. The great thing about feeling these emotions is that you are really living and God designed feelings so you can experience life. Yes, even the bad ones. And sometimes those feelings revel to us things about ourself that we don't like
I always jokingly say that when I lay my head on my pillow at night and the days events fill my head I wonder how badly I screwed up my kids that day. I say it as a joke but sort of actually really wonder that. I know that I am not the best mom all the time but I do give my personal best all the time. Some days my best consists of everyone getting out of the house on time, teeth brushed, hair looking cute, dinner on the table that evening, all the laundry caught up, bible verses read around the table, not raising my voice once and tucked into bed with a prayer. Other days my best is Brooke's dropped off at daycare in her jammies, Audrey's teeth aren't brushed, I'm snapping at them left and right, Jake tells me last mintue he needs money for something and I have no cash on me, I barely make it to work on time, dinner consists of a frozen pizza and the only prayer that's said is me asking Jesus for some sanity. The good thing about those days is they come to an end and I get the chance to begin again the next day. With a husband who has a career that keeps him gone 48 hours at a time and with me working a full time and juggling 3 kids I'd say the fact that they are even fed and there's no blood shed that day equals a success!! I try really hard to not compare myself to the "supermoms" as I call them. Oh you know the type - they always look fabulous, their kids look fabulous, they never raise their voice to their kids, dinner is made every night on time and to top it off they have all these neat crafty hobbies. Even though I say I try not to compare myself I still do but it always makes me feel bad about who I am and when I step outside of the comparing trap I really that I am a great mom and try to remember my picture of those supermoms is a snapshot, not the full slide show and if I looked at the full slide show I'd probably see some of the same messy shots that I have in my day.
With the life of my children going by so darn fast I don't want to spend it feeling bad about who I am as their mom. I want to spend it doing the best I can each day and if they eat a frozen pizza it wont kill them, if their beds aren't made the day wont crumble, if Brooke's hair isn't perfect she'll still be adorable and if I snap at them I always tell them I'm sorry and let them know they are loved even when I'm mad I never stop loving them. They need to understand that I am a person too and sometimes people have bad days but we apolgize to the ones we hurt, we don't dwell or beat ourselves up and we begin again and do better the next day. The fact is, our kids are on loan to us until they meet their maker. So my goal as a mom is to enjoy them as much as possible while they are with me and raise them to be the kind of people that would make Jesus proud for allowing me the honor of having them in my care for the short time I do in comparison to His time He will have with them.
I know I've spent too many years of their lives beating myself up and comparing myself to the supermoms but I've learned that I waste a lot of precious time doing that. Time that goes by way, way too fast when you're a mom and I choose to spend it focusing on all the things I do right because if you've met my kids you would know their mama is doing something right! :-)
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