Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Eating humility to be served up wisdom!

Today I had someone point out something about myself that isn't one of my better qualities. When they told me it was presented in a gentle way and I was approached with true care but even with that said, when I heard it - it hurt! It stung like a bee and honestly I am still feeling the sting from earlier today. That saying "the truth hurts" sure is true. But, that said, sometimes the truth is necessary to provide growth. I already knew what was said was true about myself before it was shared with me, but it took my flaw being pointed out by another person to really make me step back and look at that part of myself deeper.

As soon as I ended my conversation with the person that, by the way,  God placed in my life to tell me what He wanted me to hear (yes, it is all part of His bigger plan for me and part of my pruning process) I immediately remembered something that I read earlier this morning about humility providing wisdom. In that moment I chose to not be defensive but to take the moment and the ugly truth about yours truly as a way to grow. I doubt that tomorrow I will wake up and be totally perfect in that area of my life but I can promise I will pray about that part of me and ask God to do His work in my life. Just another mess in me for Him to clean up! :)

I actually am thankful for these moments of humility. I am thankful because it's evidence that God is working so hard in my life and he is pruning me and chopping off my ugly parts so I can bloom into something pretty beautiful. I am so excited to see what I am going to grow into even if it takes some moments along the way of being called out on my ugly parts. With my pruning and growth I am gaining wisdom. Some say hind sight is 20/20 but it's really a matter of reflecting, learning and getting better and wiser!

Next time someone tells you something that you really didn't want to hear, ask yourself if you NEEDED to hear it. Is it true? Are they right? Do you want to be better in that area? Take it as an opportunity to eat a little dose of humility to get a big serving of wisdom.

So here's the hard part of me - since I had that conversation this morning I have been beating myself up over it and shaming myself, but then I remembered that's just the enemy using this opportunity that God created to turn it into his evil twist. I stand firm in my faith and choose to not allow the enemy to turn God's work into his evil joy. So, I am allowing myself some grace and giving those feelings of shame and hurt to God and again, thanking Him for being so present in my life that I can feel His work being done within me. I am thankful for my relationship with Jesus and the fact that, the more I get to know Him the more I can see these situations clearly and actually thank Him for these opportunities to grow instead of blame Him.

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” – John 15:1-2




Monday, February 18, 2013

Turning your tongue into a tool, not a weapon.

Our most powerful weapon that we have isn't one that have locked in a gun case, or get any safety training on. It's one we are born with. Our tongue. I am a believer that the words that we speak can be used to either build others up or wound them deeply with wounds that sometimes never heal. I sometimes still hear things that have been said to me and just the replay of it hurts almost as bad as the first time I heard it. Or when I need a little self encouragement I will remember something encouraging or loving that someone said to me and it can give me the boost that I needed in that moment.

The words we say to others often become their labels that they adopt for themselves. A lot of the labels that I struggle with are there because of damaging things that have been said to me over the years. It's not like I woke up one day and thought I was ugly - it took the words of others over time to make me believe that about myself. On the flip side, I have an amazing husband who tells me every day how beautiful he thinks that I am both inside and out so those words have helped to counter the hurtful ones.

Each day you have the ability to make a choice to think before you speak and choose the words you say to others. Why not take a step back to choose more wisely and choose to say things that will lift up people instead of a quick comment that can sting to the core or someone else who already comes to the table with past hurts and insecurities.

As a mother you have a choice to speak to your children in a way that will build their confidence, sense of security, and help to define the labels they will have for themselves. I certainly don't want my kids self labels to be stupid, ugly, not good enough, etc. I want them to believe they are loved, amazing, beautiful (inside and out) and good enough. I am not always the best at this, I'll admit. I am busy and life is crazy and messy so some days I shout out to them and I  know my words can sting but my prayer is that I spend more days sharing words of love and kindness and I try to allow myself some grace on the messy days.

James 1:19-20: This you know, my beloved brethren. But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.

Proverbs 15:1: A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.

Next time you speak ask yourself if this is something you would say if Jesus was standing right there next to you. I know it sounds silly but it works for me. Some days there are ways that I speak and I think to myself if Jesus was here he would be hurt by my choice of words. The thing is, He IS there. I want to speak in a way that reflects the love of Jesus to others. My gosh I am not there yet but I certainly do try!

So turn your tongue into a tool, not a weapon. Think before you speak and try to take a moment to understand the power you posses by the way you speak to others. Do you want to be someone's good memory when they need to reach into their memory pile for love and encouragement or do you want to be the voice they hear when they are in a dark, ugly place?

Today I pray: Sweet Jesus, please guide my tongue and help me to choose my words wisely. Please help me to speak in a way that would build others up and reflect your love. Please forgive me for the unkind ways that I have spoken to others. Amen.

Monday, February 4, 2013

The truths in our hearts

I recently had a heart transplant. Not one done by a surgeon in a top notch medical center but one done by my creator and savior. Jesus. One fall morning in 2011 I was chatting with the Pastor's wife, who is one of the most amazing women and someone that I truly admire, and she shared with me that the words that we speak are a reflection of our heart. That hit me like a punch in the gut and I cried and cried like a baby. I just realized that I had an ugly heart. My heart had gone through a lot in the prior years such as a baby with kidney issues and 3 surgeries, a husband with job loss, debt to the IRS, etc. and during that time my heart grew hard. It wasn't over night but it was one of those things when all of the sudden you wonder what the heck happened to you. When Heather shared that with me I realized that I had grown ugly and it was obvious by the way I was speaking. I wasn't a meanie all the time but I did grow negative, angry and blamed God for a lot of my problems and I lashed out at the people closest to me. I knew the way I was going about it wasn't working for me and that is when I surrendered my life to Jesus. Since then I have literally had a transformation of my heart and, just like Heather said, the words that I speak are a reflection of what's happening on the inside because I don't speak the way I used to. Now the words that flow from my lips are words of hope, appreciation, love and thanks. Chris and I put God first in everything that we do and in all decisions that we make, we pray about it first. It's amazing that once you put God first, everything else just falls into place. I was made into a new person and I am not the same girl I was before I had a relationship with Jesus. There is a Christian song that goes something like "He makes all things new..." and I am proof of that. Life is so much easier when I surrender to Jesus instead of trying to do it my way.

I also believe another way to show the reflection of our heart is where our time and money is spent. If you watch people and see where they put their time and their money it will revel a lot about them. It will show their priorities. I bet if you looked online at your bank account and tracked where you've spent money the last month or two it would revel to you what your hearts desires are. Sometimes we need to reevaluate ourselves and get our priorities back in check or we will keep spinning in place.

I urge you to listen to the words you're speaking, check out your bank statements and evaluate where you spend most of your time. Look and see what the truths are inside your heart and decide if you are okay with your hearts desires or if you need to make changes. Ask Jesus to reveal these truths to you and once they are revealed and if you don't like them just ask Him to help to make you new.

Once you decide the changes you want to make it is going to take some work on your part along with prayer, patience, faith and new patterns. For me I had to surround myself around people that I wanted to look like, I only listened to Christian music, I chose for my Facebook news feed to consist of messages of hope, love and positive messages, I sought wisdom from others who held values I respected and I prayed....I prayed a lot and all throughout my day. I begged Jesus to reveal himself to me and he did and still does. So, whatever ugliness you reveal about yourself don't be discouraged because you can change it. I know for a fact that the real change comes once you surrender and sometimes it takes everything in your life to fall apart before it can fall into place. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.        


The fast lane of motherhood

Today our sweet girl Brooke celebrates her 3rd birthday.  This day reminds me of how fast time goes. I remember hearing my parents or grandparents talk about how quickly life goes by but it wasn't until I became a parent myself that I really felt the days going by a lot faster. Literally at the blink of an eye the baby that you brought and was so dependent on you for their every need can now grab a snack, verbally express their needs and wants and does so much independently. Brooke isn't our only one, she's actually our last so I am too familiar with how fast the time goes. My friend Heather once told me that motherhood is filled with long days and short years and she's dead on with that one! Us mama's know how some days go on forever, especially the ones when a kid is sick or no one wants to eat what you cooked, the laundry is piled up, they are fighting like cats and dogs and you don't feel too good yourself. Those days feel like they can drag on forever but then you blink and your kid is 3 or 9 or almost 13!

Being a parent you experience emotions you never thought you had. A love that is unconditional when you first meet your baby, a pain that cuts through the heart like no other when they tell you that you've hurt their feelings, disappointed them, etc., a worry that keeps you up at night when you know they are facing some big moments in life that are out of your control, a fear that can be crippling when they are in their 3rd surgery and you are told they may or may not have a kidney when it's done, a joy that makes you laugh big deep belly laughs from the silliest of things, a feeling of pride when they make a good choice or use their manners or you're told by strangers at a restaurant that your kids are very well behaved and a feeling of disappointment within yourself when you go to bed that night and realize the nasty way you spoke to your kid when biting their head off in a stressful moment or how you hurt them when you did what you felt is best for them. The great thing about feeling these emotions is that you are really living and God designed feelings so you can experience life. Yes, even the bad ones. And sometimes those feelings revel to us things about ourself that we don't like

I always jokingly say that when I lay my head on my pillow at night and the days events fill my head I wonder how badly I screwed up my kids that day. I say it as a joke but sort of actually really wonder that. I know that I am not the best mom all the time but I do give my personal best all the time. Some days my best consists of everyone getting out of the house on time, teeth brushed, hair looking cute, dinner on the table that evening, all the laundry caught up, bible verses read around the table, not raising my voice once and tucked into bed with a prayer. Other days my best is Brooke's dropped off at daycare in her jammies, Audrey's teeth aren't brushed, I'm snapping at them left and right, Jake tells me last mintue he needs money for something and I have no cash on me, I barely make it to work on time, dinner consists of a frozen pizza and the only prayer that's said is me asking Jesus for some sanity. The good thing about those days is they come to an end and I get the chance to begin again the next day. With a husband who has a career that keeps him gone 48 hours at a time and with me working a full time and juggling 3 kids I'd say the fact that they are even fed and there's no blood shed that day equals a success!!  I try really hard to not compare myself to the "supermoms" as I call them. Oh you know the type - they always look fabulous, their kids look fabulous, they never raise their voice to their kids, dinner is made every night on time and to top it off they have all these neat crafty hobbies. Even though I say I try not to compare myself I still do but it always makes me feel bad about who I am and when I step outside of the comparing trap I really that I am a great mom and try to remember my picture of those supermoms is a snapshot, not the full slide show and if I looked at the full slide show I'd probably see some of the same messy shots that I have in my day.

With the life of my children going by so darn fast I don't want to spend it feeling bad about who I am as their mom. I want to spend it doing the best I can each day and if they eat a frozen pizza it wont kill them, if their beds aren't made the day wont crumble, if Brooke's hair isn't perfect she'll still be adorable and if I snap at them I always tell them I'm sorry and let them know they are loved even when I'm mad I never stop loving them. They need to understand that I am a person too and sometimes people have bad days but we apolgize to the ones we hurt, we don't dwell or beat ourselves up and we begin again and do better the next day. The fact is, our kids are on loan to us until they meet their maker. So my goal as a mom is to enjoy them as much as possible while they are with me and raise them to be the kind of people that would make Jesus proud for allowing me the honor of having them in my care for the short time I do in comparison to His time He will have with them.

I know I've spent too many years of their lives beating myself up and comparing myself to the supermoms but I've learned that I waste a lot of precious time doing that. Time that goes by way, way too fast when you're a mom and I choose to spend it focusing on all the things I do right because if you've met my kids you would know their mama is doing something right! :-)

Friday, February 1, 2013

When swimming with the sharks isn't so scary.

In 2008 Chris and I were married and honeymooned in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. On the plane ride there we met a couple that we chatted with during the flight, the guy was a retired baseball player and he was with his German girlfriend. We enjoyed conversation and parted ways but while walking around one afternoon we crossed paths again and after a few minutes of conversation they invited us to spend the day with them on their boat Marlin fishing. Well, my husband fell in love after he heard the word fishing and decided we were going. Me, not so much. I pulled Chris aside and reminded him of all the shows like 60 Minutes, Dateline, etc. that showed that these sort of situations never end well for young, adorable, traveling Americans. He convinced me that he wouldn't let anything happen to me and after a few cocktails at The Giggling Marlin I was sold!

We spent the day fishing, tanning, floating along the ocean and watching flying fish. I spent a lot of time with my very heavy smoker German friend. She would smoke and talk and smoke and talk and then start spouting off something in German that I didn't understand but at least it sounded fabulous! I watched my new husband fish and drive the boat like a pro - it was like watching a kid in a candy store and I was so happy he was so happy. It was a picture perfect day! After a several hours in the heat our new friend decided that it was time to stop the boat and go for a swim. My thoughts went to that place where I was convinced this was the part of the day they were going to tie us up and throw us in the ocean. Then I realized Chris could totally take him so that didn't worry me anymore. As soon as they had the chance they climbed to the top of the boat and jumped in the ocean. Now, I'm not too big into swimming in shark infested waters and I don't care what you say but every ocean is shark infested! I was so scared I did not want to go in and I had never swam in the ocean before, not to mention I am not, by any means a strong swimmer. I wasn't the only chicken by the way, Chris was just as scared and if he's scared then that meant I was really scared. He doesn't like the idea of sharks either! We were frozen by fear but also so envious of the fun our new friends were having and it was pretty darn hot out and that water looked so, so refreshing. We were in Mexico, on our honeymoon and on an adventure so after what felt like forever we both just decided to go for it, well Chris first actually, but after he went for it I did too and I jumped in the water!!! Alright, alright, it wasn't that glamorous. I climbed slowly down the ladder and slowly inched myself in with my new German friend shouting encouraging words in German That or she was cussing at me telling me what a baby I was, I'll never know but I'm gonna roll thinking she was encouraging me. The first few minutes I was freaking out and totally convinced I was going to be eaten by a shark but after a few more minutes it was so much fun! I was amazed at how warm the water was, how the ocean waves just kinda bop you around gently and how once I stopped being so tense it was actually really relaxing . I was grinning from ear to ear like a kid and I know that because we have pictures from that day and I look like a big cheeser.

That day I wondered how many other things I was missing out on in life due to my fear. Probably quite a bit. I decided that I would be more and more adventurous and that I didn't want to miss out on life. There are still some things I haven't yet overcame but I try to think back on that day in Cabo and remember how scared I was and how once I did it, I LOVED it! The best part is, I'm here today to tell the story and not in the belly of a shark.

Floating around in those big open waters kinda feels like life sometimes does. It was scary, a long way to shore and vulnerable with no footing. But I am reminded that God doesn't create feelings like worry or fear, those are feelings from the enemy. An enemy that wants you to live your live scared, hold you back, make you question you every move and I will not let that enemy have any power in my life. So, when life feels like a big open water and I don't feel like I have my footing I will not worry about the sharks in life, I will give those worries to God and let him be the one in control.

Psalm 28:7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song

Remember that life is a big open water, but the Lord is your strength and shield so but your trust in Him and jump in!! Where can you put your trust in God in your life today and do something that you've been too scared to do because you are afriad of the shark?