Not a mess.

I really love reading Proverbs 31 Ministry Blogs. For me, they are real, relatable and an easy quick read. So much of what they write about is the day to day stuff that we deal with as women, mothers, girlfriends, wives, etc. Recently I was reading and something was written basically along the lines of having a messy kitchen doesn't define you and make you a mess but it makes you a Christian, loved by Jesus that happens to have a messy kitchen. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it more, it was not a kitchen it was a closet and it was a post from Lysa Terkeurst who is part of the Proverbs 31 Ministry and my friend Heidi posted it on her Facebook page. Anyways, those details don't matter but what does matter is the message. How many of us can relate to this? I know I sure can. I have always put so much pressure on myself for no real reason. Over this last year I have even put more pressure on myself and have felt defined by my mistakes, failures and regrets. Why do we do that as women? Or perhaps it's just me. For example, I personally keep a pretty clean house but I don't ever define myself by the good, accomplishments or triumphs. I don't say to myself "wow I'm a really clean person." Nope. But the minute my house is messy I am quick to say "wow I am such a messy person." In reality I'm not a messy person. I am a busy mom of three that just didn't feel like mopping today. Period. I've been thinking about this a lot and pondering all the lies I tell myself. Quite awhile ago I even blogged about my identity in Christ but it's the day to day stuff that can quickly throw me off track. The messy closet, the job I didn't get, the outbursts towards my kids. Oh how the kid one can cut to the core right? I may have an outburst towards my children but this doesn't make me a bad mom, it makes me a mom having a bad day. I think about he conversations I have with friends, co-workers and family and the things I say to them and the love and support I provide. I don't think my friend who screamed out of frustration at her toddler is a crazy abusive mom. I think she's someone who gets very overwhelmed and had a bad moment. I don't think of my friend who's house is a mess as a dirty person or a messy person. I think of her as someone who doesn't put pressure on herself and kids to keep a tidy home and probably spends more time of value with her children instead of running around cleaning. I don't think of my friend who's dieting and training hard right now along with me as a pig because she has a total cheat day and eats 5 cupcakes. She's someone who a 5 damn cupcake, so what. See but when it comes to myself I think I'm a pig, I think I'm a mess, a bad mom, a failure.. Why am I not able to practice the same kindness to myself that I do for my friends and others? Why do I put so much judgment on myself? I think about this a lot. Easy for you to say to just do it but it's really just not that simple.

God gives me the gift of Grace. I'm undeserving but He gives it anyways. What would happen if I gave myself just a little bit of that same grace that He gives me? What would I look like if I saw myself through my makers eyes? I bet it would look like compassion, empathy, forgiveness. God doesn't look at me and see dirty, ugly, messy or a bad mom. God doesn't shame. Read that again...GOD DOES NOT SHAME. The enemy...oh he's all about the shaming. The enemy wants you to continue to believe the lies, he knows if you feel bad about yourself it will lead to depression, making bad choices for instant gratification and even creating a disconnect between you and Jesus. When you feel shame you don't want to be close to Jesus, at least I don't. I notice on the days that I need Jesus the most is when I typically pull away. Ironic right? When I make bad choices and when I feel down on myself I don't want to face Him but when I get over that and I do reach out to Jesus in prayer or read the word I am always given some truth that makes me feel so much better and I feel His love and His grace. Never once, and I repeat NEVER ONCE have I ever cried out to Jesus and felt shame. Trust me, I've done some dirt but I've never felt shame. Yes, I have felt some healthy humility, I have felt convicted but I have felt LOVED along with it. His truths and words that are written are so clear about His love for me and YOU that it's not even funny.  A love so big that was laid on the cross when He died for my messy sins. Wow.

I really wish I could post this blog and walk away saying I'm not going to define myself any longer by my mistakes. But I will say that I am going to try to change my thinking a little. So my kitchen floor is dirty but it's MINE, so I ate 3 cupcakes, but I killed it at the gym 5 days in a row, so I went off a little on my middle child, but I had a great mother daughter day with her Saturday, so my body is flawed, but it's healthy, so I didn't get the job I wanted, but I am gainfully employed in a position that allows me to provide, so I've got two ex-husbands that left, but I have a God that loves me and will never forsake me and I have so much more good than "mess." If you're someone who's in my personal circle, I encourage you to help hold me accountable, call me out on my negative self talk and remind me to slow my roll a little and spend a little less time stressing over the small stuff. Iron sharpens iron, right? And if you're someone who always defines yourself by a messy closet I encourage you to open the Bible and read the truth. Truth is, your identity is in Christ alone, not your messy closet.


xoxo
CW